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Nothing distinguishes memories from ordinary moments...

Only later do they become memorable by the scars they leave.

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I hate gay men
Farnese hercules

Usually a phrase like that would be qualified with a but...but not any more. Increasingly I pull away from the gay scene due to a variety of factors, but the bellends from this weekend take the biscuit. It's why I identify as queer; and tend to hang out with straight or non-scene people, or those who probably don't identify as gay (queer, Men Who Have Sex With Men, bisexuals, heteroflexible, take your pick). Sadly in my experience the bad lot are not statistically small, the judgy shallow queens are everywhere, lurking.

Take for instance last night - me, Kirk and Gary went to Duckie, usually a good safe space. Great night, was having a good time until a group of queens decided to bully me - touching me, saying I smelled, many times over the night. I knew I didn't, I showered a few hours before I came out, the t-shirt was new and washed, but what was their problem? I told the guy who was saying it this, and he was a fucking cunt. I got so angry that we had to move to another part of the club before I bottled the guy. I had a bottle in my hand and thought about it...wrong I know. But I was so angry. Took me back to school and being bullied. I know now I should have raised it with Amy Lame or the Duckie crew, but at the time you're too angry and just want to try and forget it. I didn't. Rather than go home and stew I went to the sauna...which comes to point 2.

These queens look down on those who frequent saunas, cruising areas, marrieds and the like - even though I've found the blokes in these places (who as I said quite often don't identify as gay) are fairly genuine and nice people. I had to detox from that experience by going to a sauna. But this experience is not unusual - where there are gay men there is bullshit.

I then come home and reading Facebook find that a queen friend of a friend decided to post Star Wars spoilers, just to be difficult. Was told to take it down by many people, but was doing that childish pouting thing that many gay men do, stomping his little foot. Really, entitled babies again...so I'm seeing Star Wars tonight and that's been spoiled by another bitter attention-seeking queen.

I don't want anything to do with the gay scene anymore, it's just filled with too many toxic people. I know, wahmbulance and Tim's on another rant etc etc but there is a wider issue here...that queens like this don't give a shit about the rest of the LBTQ, they usually have very dodgy politics (immigration, Muslims is another one - which is interesting because one of the people I had a great long chat with was a Muslim bear at the sauna, he was lovely and I don't think he knows how much that meant to me, someone relatable and talking me down from that ledge.) and now gay marriage has happened there is a feeling of 'I'm alright Jack' with them, and also this odd bully mindset. As we know, oppression does not lead to enlightenment, but it does seem as gay men get more accepted, get good jobs, don't have to live in fear anymore the more they take it out on other people?

So no I won't qualify this with 'some are OK' because I think those who are OK are such a small set that it's not worth counting, 0.1% maybe. The rest are more concerned with looking good within their group, cliques, being bitchy, obsessing about silly things outside of the real world, gyms and shallow body fascism and not really caring what's happening outside of Kardashians, Drag Race and trashy TV. Srsly if these people are first up against the wall, I won't cry for them. I'd be too busy getting the fuck out of there, and trying to protect the people I do care about. And I do hope, when it goes all to shit and it will, babylon is around the corner - they are the first to get eaten by zombies or whatever. Because they haven't learned to survive, just learned to be narcissistic and bitchy.

It's a shame I like men, really. I don't regret that for a moment, that's like regretting you have blue eyes - but certainly I could leave the bullshit that sometimes entails.

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